Doubt (or faith)

"I'll be honest about it. It is not atheists who get stuck in my craw, but agnostics. Doubt is useful for a while. We must all pass through the garden of Gethsemane. If Christ played with doubt, so must we. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if he burst out from the Cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? then surely we are also permitted doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation."- from Life of PI by Yann Martel

This week, I doubted that God could or would come through for someone I love very much who was facing a very big challenge. I knew all the promises and the Bible verses to back up those promises, but when it came down to really trusting that He would come through- provide an option or two when there seemed to be none, I was Thomas the disciple- doubting Thomasina. 
I was hopeful, but that is not the same as truly trusting. Things were coming down to the wire, and I was feeling quite helpless, because I had no resources to be of any great help for this loved one of mine. So I told a few close friends about the situation and asked them to pray. I prayed too. And worried. And bargained and brainstormed. But it got to the place where I had no other options but to TRUST. Like the kind of trust that happens when you stand backwards to a friend who is supposed to catch you. Or like the kind of trust you need on your wedding day that the groom (or bride) will actually show up. But trusting God to come through for you or for a friend takes more than falling backwards and hoping someone catches you. It is a letting go of your doubt. Moving beyond it into taking God at his word. YIKES!   
The amazing thing is that He did come through. In unexpected ways and even with a few back-up plans. Now, the doubter might just say that the person facing the crisis became resourceful at the last moment. And there might be some truth to that. But it is not the whole picture. Because I witnessed first-hand the despair that was setting in. I recognised it as the dark cloud I had known at various times in my own life. 
In spite of my doubt, my friend's despair, and the economic situation at the present, God did come through. With flying colors. Despair turned to hopefulness. The dark cloud gave way to the sun, and though all is not perfectly well, it is so very much better than it was before. Will I learn my lesson the next time there is a crisis? I hope that I can really believe Psalm 46: "God is an ever present help in the time of trouble."