Waiting

Someday it will all come together
But for now I am waiting.
Someday my Prince will come
But for now I will become a princess.
Someday my ship will come in 
But for now I will swim everyday.
Someday I will feel better
But today I will do my best.
Someday I will be rich and happy, 
But today I will be thankful for what I have.-JBL

Life is funny that way. Things come and go. Friends come and most often stay. But when they go, the time they were there is worth it in the end because of who I became when I was their friend. Loss happens. Life is short. And the wheel of life is always turning. Waiting around for things to improve is not always the best use of time. Maybe things will get better. The economy might improve. My credit score will go up. My work will get easier. My relationships less stressful. But then things might not ever improve. Or I might have to wait a long time before I see any changes. 

 My work is to do my best, to practice kindness, and to take care of the things that matter. Someday I will discover that living in the moment, making the best use of my time and energy, and paying attention to that still small voice will be the best kind of waiting.       
   

Absolutely!

I love the word absolutely. I love its meaning and the sound it makes when when you say it with emotion. I love the solidness of the word. To say you absolutely love someone or something is to say it with conviction.

I absolutely love my children. I absolutely love my family. I absolutely love warmth, lobster, lilacs, my home, and the joy of creating something. But I haven't used that word much in conversations lately.

It's a word I don't often use around

strangers or acquaintances.

That kind of conviction can be off putting. 

But it is such a great word and yet it should

not be used frivolously. I want to find a good
reason to use that word sometime soon.
I want to be absolutely in love with life and to
feel the convictions of my youth.
I want to believe absolutely, to love absolutely,
to trust absolutely. 

"If you want to do great things, you absolutely have to do something that you love doing."
-Don Burnette

Moon Sliver and Venus

 Tonight is Nov 27, 2011

This is how I saw the sky tonight just after sunset

Venus bright and a sliver of moon

Trees aglow with color from setting sun

After a warm sunny southwest day

Takes a lot for me to believe this is the result of a big bang 

The sliver and planet close enough to touch

The trees so filled with color and light

The Hand of the Artist so apparent.

Christmas Sewing

The day after Thanksgiving was always my sewing day. No Black Friday frenzied shopping for me, I would pull out all my accumulated fabric, patterns, trims and buttons. Then I would think about who I wanted a gift for and start pairing fabrics and ideas. A large piece of heavy denim would become a log carrier for the in-laws. Muslin would become landscape pillows for close friends, and printed cottons would become dresses for my daughter. It was a time before electronics and when homemade gifts were appreciated and cherished. 
    




                                                                          I found this photo in an old sewing book and it made me laugh. I hope my creations were not as tacky as this. I'd like to think they were a bit more artistic or inventive. I would cover the floor and every available surface with fabric and then go crazy-sometimes late into the night. I haven't done that for years, but I miss the joy of creating. Maybe after the hoopla of Black Friday dies down, I will find a local small fabric store and seek inspiration. But I promise I wont buy large quantities of plaid and denim.   

Enough

"I pray you have enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how grey the day may appear. I pray you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more. I pray you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting. I pray you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life appear even bigger. I  pray you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I pray you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I pray you enough hellos to get you through to the final good-bye."-Author unknown

A friend sent this little poem in a letter and it got me thinking about the word enough. 
Last year, when we were in between jobs, this little tree was all that we had for Christmas. We took it to the beach and the wind blew away the few ornaments we had placed on the tree. What was left was enough. It was enough to remind us how very fortunate we were to have this little tree, a sunny (but windy) day, and each other.

At this time of year, as we approach Thanksgiving, it is easy to lose sight of what exactly is enough. Time is one of the those things we never seem to have enough of. Even more so for some of us, there never seems to be enough money. We never have enough time with family and friends. But I want to remember that I do have enough. I have all that I need and even when I don't always have all that I want or wish for, I do have enough. So, this Thanksgiving, I am giving thanks for having enough.  

Gazing

Gazing requires more than glimpsing. Paying attention requires more than a passing glance. Seeing dew on a dandelion or goodness in a person is the same thing. It means to put forth an effort, stooping down to really hear what is being said, to truly see what is revealed, to gaze longingly, deeply, and with open eyes.

We live in a world where images appear like blips. Data, messages, and news come at us like lightening. What we are subjected to on a daily basis often requires that we continuously filter out worthless thoughts, information, and images. Often it is at the expense of filling our heads with beauty, clarity, and thoughts that help us to grow, to learn about love, or to just become closer to becoming the person we were created to be. 

So ....does becoming better at paying attention to things like dew or other little details  mean that we lose sight of the big picture? The age old question of being unable to see the forest for the trees? I am not sure. Balance is always important. But my goal is to spend more time paying attention to possible cues, possible sources of delight, and to opportunities that just might point me in the direction of something I need to see. 

"All great and beautiful work has come of first gazing without shrinking into the darkness."John Ruskin

 

Warmth and Laughter

The sun shines most of the time in southern California. Today was no exception. It was warm and sunny just like it is most days here. The loveliness is that my job allows me to enjoy a good part of my day basking. Sitting on a swing with a child. Watching the antics of the snail who has become a pet. Laughing over silly jokes.
 When is a door not a door?
 When it is ajar. hahahahahaha.
The children laughing may not even know what ajar means but they laugh anyway. Because that is what children do- a lot.


I am not always in on their private jokes. But sometimes I am included and expected to laugh along with them. Which I do-willingly. Because joy is healing and it feels great to be in on a good joke. Life only has to be this simple. Making it more complicated just feels like an unnecessary effort somehow.
So go ahead, Live, Laugh, Bask. 

Shooting Stars

Falling light, against black makes me wonder always
About my smallness and the world's largeness.

I see shooting stars often. I don't make a wish always
But I stop and wonder how like that light is my wee plight.

Falling and then gone. A figment of my immagination-perhaps.
No, the light was there if only for a tiny moment. And I know it was.

Sunrise

The sun comes up every day. Some days it is a bit more spectacular than others.

I took these photos at the lake just a short walk from my house.

The sky colors were amazing. This freshly put away dock showed green algae from the summer soak.

The reflection in the window of the cabin does not even begin to show the spectacularness of the sky.
It is just a tiny glimpse of sky blue pink. Framed just right.

The glimpses we get are often glints and glimmers. The combination of color is often enough to set the tone for the day.


"I looked up at the sky. The cloud cover had vanished. But for a few wisps on the horizon, the sky was clear. It would be another hot, rainless day."
-from The Life of Pi" by Yann Martel

Eleven

11-11-11

"Antiquities authorities in Egypt closed the largest of the world-famous Giza pyramids Friday after rumors circulated that religious groups would be holding spiritual ceremonies on the site at 11:11 a.m. to mark the rare date – 11/11/11." -  AP


A rare date, a day to thank our veterans, a day off, a day to sleep in perhaps.
But what else?
Well, some think a day for magic.

Some who believe in numerology or other spiritual things see the number 
eleven as having specific meaning.

But even this day will pass and tomorrow will be a new day and the rareness of today will pass as well.  And the magic meant for today alone will not come again until another rare date comes along (some think..).

I don't think real magic is limited to numerals and numerology, because magical things can happen any day. 

I happened to look at the time on the microwave today when I was warming up last night's pizza and amazingly, it was 11:11 on 11-11-11.
That was so magical that I made a wish. I hope it comes true.

Mountain Dance

Come Fairies, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame!

 -William Butler Yeats

JBL

Sometimes the mundane repetitive events of life make me yearn for an escape. It was a windy day today and I had moments of wishing that I could be carried away on the wind and softly dropped on a mountain top. The weariness that has settled in my bones is beginning to take a toll on my thoughts. It has been a while since I have danced on the mountains like a flame. Even in my thoughts. 

    I listened to the sweet laughter of my young students this morning and was reminded of the research that found that children laugh an average of 100 times a day! And adults? Five or six times a day. And that is on a good day!  So what is about children that they can find so much that is funny in one day? And why are grown-ups so serious? Do we need to get up on that mountain more often? Why can't we allow ourselves more joyful moments?

Come fairies! I need a dance on that mountain top!

Details

                                                                                              
I noticed the way the sun felt cold this morning and then was warm as the day opened up. I noticed the sweetness of the sound of a child's laughter, so spontaneous and uncontrived. I was aware of the many colors of grey in pebbles and the blue grey in my aging hands. I felt the air change as the sun set and the darkness make me shiver. All the tiny details of my day. A grove of trees on a hill sporting colors of Autumn in a place where the seasons don't really present themselves with much flamboyance. 

I was lucky today. I got to have many chances to live in the moment. Watching. Observing. Listening. Feeling. It is rare in the rush and push of these times. Experiences are blips and flashes of light. Today though, I was able to slow things down and just enjoy small bits and pieces. Like sunlight on hair, language emerging, and warm wind.  Ah, yes. 

Doubt (or faith)

"I'll be honest about it. It is not atheists who get stuck in my craw, but agnostics. Doubt is useful for a while. We must all pass through the garden of Gethsemane. If Christ played with doubt, so must we. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if he burst out from the Cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? then surely we are also permitted doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation."- from Life of PI by Yann Martel

This week, I doubted that God could or would come through for someone I love very much who was facing a very big challenge. I knew all the promises and the Bible verses to back up those promises, but when it came down to really trusting that He would come through- provide an option or two when there seemed to be none, I was Thomas the disciple- doubting Thomasina. 
I was hopeful, but that is not the same as truly trusting. Things were coming down to the wire, and I was feeling quite helpless, because I had no resources to be of any great help for this loved one of mine. So I told a few close friends about the situation and asked them to pray. I prayed too. And worried. And bargained and brainstormed. But it got to the place where I had no other options but to TRUST. Like the kind of trust that happens when you stand backwards to a friend who is supposed to catch you. Or like the kind of trust you need on your wedding day that the groom (or bride) will actually show up. But trusting God to come through for you or for a friend takes more than falling backwards and hoping someone catches you. It is a letting go of your doubt. Moving beyond it into taking God at his word. YIKES!   
The amazing thing is that He did come through. In unexpected ways and even with a few back-up plans. Now, the doubter might just say that the person facing the crisis became resourceful at the last moment. And there might be some truth to that. But it is not the whole picture. Because I witnessed first-hand the despair that was setting in. I recognised it as the dark cloud I had known at various times in my own life. 
In spite of my doubt, my friend's despair, and the economic situation at the present, God did come through. With flying colors. Despair turned to hopefulness. The dark cloud gave way to the sun, and though all is not perfectly well, it is so very much better than it was before. Will I learn my lesson the next time there is a crisis? I hope that I can really believe Psalm 46: "God is an ever present help in the time of trouble." 

Family Ties

                              Four of Six

"The family.  We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together."
 ~Erma Bombeck


This week there were a lot of events that required our family to come together. Crisis situations required the prayers and counsel that only family members can provide. Birthdays, weddings, and doctor's appointments. Details of new jobs and medical treatments are all shared through the family grapevine. Stories and bragging and seeking approval and advice are all the stuff of our phone chats and letters. We still write real letters on paper and send through the mail. There is something magical about getting a thank you note or an invitation or a birthday card in the mail. It takes the sting out of the pile of bills. It is something real to hold in your hand and look at more than once. And it is becoming a rarer thing.

 Ok, I am now inspired to write some letters. 
I am going to buy some blank cards and begin my Christmas card making even though it is early in November.

Gramma's Gift

Gramma Maggie

In the 1960s, my grandmother drove across country from California to Maine in this car along with grampa, suitcases, and food to eat along the way, She also brought gifts gathered from lavender and cotton fields, sandy shores, and forest floors. Her gifts to me and my sisters were not from fancy stores, but samples from nature like huge pine cones, long shafts of lavender, and soft balls of cotton with the stems still attached. We were thrilled with these gifts, and we learned to sing this song as she told us about the cotton fields: 

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2bwho_leadbelly-pick-a-bale-of-cotton_creation

Maggie Young (gramma to us) was a lucky way to grow up. She taught us about the vastness of the United States, the beauty of nature, and that a shell or a pine cone would make a perfectly lovely gift. That balls of cotton inspire learning of an old spiritual. That driving along endless highways with the one you love is a great adventure, and that sometimes just showing up is enough. Gramma never came to visit empty-handed, but instead brought the great gift of herself, orts from nature's beauty, and a song to share. Her experiences were her stories. And gramma was always willing to share all of who she was with six fortunate little girls.