Leaving Las Vegas

After spending a week in Las Vegas, I was more than ready to go home. Instead of gambling or touring the casinos and admiring the splendor of all that man can create with lots of money and imagination, I spent my time caring for two little kids. Their single mom had to work and the preschool they attend was closed for the week. So, I changed diapers and wiped noses and watched kid TV and played in the park and found heart shaped rocks in the gravel. It was the perfect way to spend the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve.

I had a chance to see a little bit of Las Vegas though. One morning we went out for coffee and at the table beside us was a very glammed up mom, mascara smudged and looking weary from a night's work, feeding her two little kids bagels and hoping the coffee she was drinking would be enough to get her through her day.

Even on the strip, where Christmas lights sparkled, there was a weariness, a heaviness. People made up, botoxed, and fake-smiling. Small children misbehaving and paraded around in fancy clothing. Lines of people waiting for Santa photos at the mall.    

I had to look closely for Christmas this year. But it did come unexpectedly in the laughter of a young child enjoying her gingerbread cookie. It came in a piece of art I found on a wall and in the heart shaped clouds rising in the distance as we drove out of the city. Love exists in "sin city". You just have to look closely.

My Christmas Apron

This Christmas was different than any other year. We were unsure of our plans until the day before Christmas Eve and so a lot of things got done at the last minute, or did not get done at all. At first, I felt kind of left out of Christmas all together, but then I just decided to take what there was and work with it. I managed to get cards out, but not much else. It felt strange not to bake or shop or create anything.

The day we were leaving to drive from San Diego to Las Vegas, a package arrived in the mail. I threw it into the car with the hastily packed bags and planned to put it under the tree. When the gift giving was going on, we were so caught up in the joy and merriment of the children, we didn't even notice that we had not packed all the gifts for each other and it turned out that the gift from the mail was my only gift to open on Christmas morning. When I opened it, it was a wonderful Christmas apron sent with love from my sister.
Along with the gift was a story about all the things that an apron could do. As it turned out, I did end up using mine as a protection for my dress, as a potholder, and to transport bits and pieces from place to place.

I am not at all sad that this was my only gift I opened on Christmas day. It was exactly what I needed to feel Christmas-y. Thanks sweet sister!

Yes!




  "i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes"
-e.e. cummings

Changes

"The old year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The new year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months!"
-Edward Payson Powell




 It is New Year's Eve and time to make resolutions. Changes to make.

I will be glad to say adios to 2011. I will be very happy to say good-bye to a year that was difficult at times and a lot more about survival than thriving. 

So what changes do I make to move from survival to thriving???

Dance more, sing off-key to the radio in the car, ease up on myself and everyone else, be gracious, be more generous, wait patiently in lines, say thank you for every gift-even smiles and people being patient with me, create whenever possible, say hello without worrying about reactions, take risks occasionally, open myself to every possibility.  

A Visit with a Friend

In the middle of this busy week, I went to visit a friend after work. Her house was beautifully decorated for the holidays-handmade presents under the tree, craft projects she and her son had made scattered about, and light pouring in the windows. Over a cup of tea, we talked incessantly about everything under the sun. We could have gone on for hours without pause.
Her sweet son woke up from his nap with a smile that could melt even the hardest of hearts. He is good at jokes even though he is only four years old. He gets what is funny. He finds joy in the sound of words. He laughed at the word "picky". He joined our conversation intelligently ( uncommon for a four year old normally) without interrupting-a common thing in children who haven't mastered the pause and turn taking in conversation. 
He expressed a generosity of spirit that comes from being raised by parents who are loving and intentional in their parenting.
He stayed and kept me company while his mom went and gathered avocados from their tree for me to take home. We laughed about creating a "desk-tidy" from toilet paper rolls and we talked about Christmas.
I gathered my avocados and felt the warmth of that visit all the way home. 

Joyful Song

"So she poured out the liquid music of her voice to quench the thirst of his spirit. " ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Song is in the air. Singing is everywhere. Even last night when we were touring the streets in San Diego where everyone goes overboard with the lights and decor, several houses had large screen tvs set up outside with karoke Christmas songs and children and adults were singing with microphones. Most were off key.

Occasionally, there is a voice that is so sweet and pure, it has you stop in your tracks.  And it quenches the thirst of the spirit. I heard a child singing quietly to herself in the corner of my classroom this week. She was on key-hitting all the right notes-and not even three years old. I stopped what I was doing to listen. The junk inside me subsided. The angst ball moving toward me rolled away. There was no brilliant light pouring into the room coupled with the hallelujah chorus, but I didn't need that. The sweet notes coming from the corner were enough to soothe my weary soul. 

Cards in the mail

I love this time of year- especially when the cards start to arrive in the mail. It is so amazing these days to get a card  because a lot of people have given up on that tradition. The email cards are cute, but nothing like the real ones you can hold in your hand.

 I am making most of the ones I am sending this year partly because I have a hard time finding ones in the store that have a good message inside and partly because money is scarce. I also enjoy the surge of creativity and using up scraps of fabric and paper to create cards unlike any other. This year, I am keeping it simple, wishing family and friends the simplest part of the Christmas message:

Joy

Peace

Good News

Love unconditional for all mankind

Hope

I will treasure each card as it arrives. Each year there are fewer.  People are busy and writing out cards takes time and a little effort, but how sweet it is to find a hand written card in the middle of that pile of bills and junk mail! 

Restraint

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal."

I Corinthians 13: 1(NIV)

Sometimes holding back or not saying or doing something can be the best way to show love. Restraint. Reeling in impulsive words before they are cast out from my mouth is often a challenge for me.

Working with children makes me very aware that what I say really does matter. Sometimes a lot. Very young children who attune better than I imagine are good at games where four or five children say their favorite color or food and then are asked what the other's choice was. In spite of the egocentric way most children relate to the world, they hear and remember things well and can easily name each of their friends favorite food-even if they have a lot of friends.

So lately, I have been trying to listen to myself more. Have I become a clanging cymbal crashing thoughtless words while others cringe at the sound? I have been famous in the past for putting my foot in my mouth. Saying something stupid or regrettable or unkind or just unnecessary? 

My Christmas gift this year to friends and family will be wrapped with a ribbon of restraint. A little less thoughtless chatter. A little less explanation. A little less resounding gong.

Abundance

"Not what we have but what we enjoy, that constitutes abundance."-Epicurus

                                                                                                                                                                                              A short walk and there is a lovely bird of paradise! Grapefruit in abundance, branches bending from the weight. I live in a place that is not my home. i am a visitor here, my real home thousands of miles away. A whole country away actually. There are deserts and mountains, huge rivers, plains, and large cities between me and my home. But I am learning to be content. I take a walk for a very short distance and I find abundance. 

It is coming on Christmas and people are half-heartedly putting up lights in the neighborhood, The air is cool but not cold like it is at my home. It is warm during the days which makes me feel better than when it stays cold all day. Fruit trees are laden and heavy with citrus. Though it is winter, flowers are still in bloom. So even with the neighbor's lights, it doesn't really feel like Christmas. But the abundant beauty makes me feel the Christmas Spirit. In spite of the sad state of our economy, there is a feeling of expectation. A hope that things will get better. A willingness to put up lights and trees and to celebrate a little. Seasons come and seasons go, but each one has its own special beauty. Abundance is all around in spite of poverty. I am thankful that the walk is short to find it.