Appreciation

 

"I’m grateful for being here, for being able to think, for being able to see, for being able to taste, for appreciating love – for knowing that it exists in a world so rife with vulgarity, with brutality and violence, and yet love exists. I’m grateful to know that it exists."

-Maya Angelou

 

This is how I have felt for the past few weeks. In spite of the circumstances, and the helplessness I have felt at times, somehow, knowing the love from my wonderful family and incredible friends in a very real way.

Trials are about remembering what is important-getting perspective. Still, I would like to be able to bask a little, enjoy the end of one trial before another begins. In my life, they tend to be back to back -one of top of another-no real break

But the beauty is, I am noticing the whole of life as a gift-not just the series of troubles and questions with no answers, but as breathing and smiling and running when I can, and dancing-with or without the music playing. 

Peace Like a River

Peace like a river — how refreshing that stream — that calms us, like a wondering dream.
This week I got one of those phone calls that every parent dreads. My son had been stabbed in New York City on New Year's Eve. The details are fuzzy-because my son was walking home and felt someone behind him and then the next thing he knew, he was in the hospital with multiple stab wounds.

One of the hardest things about this East Coast/ West Coast life is that I always seem to be on the wrong coast at the wrong time. I had no resources to just jump on  a plane and run to his rescue. I had to wait and trust and pray-something much easier in theory than in reality. My family and friends living on the East Coast stood at the ready to gather my son up and take him somewhere safe for healing. Daily phone calls helped because I could tell at the moment he answered the phone by the tone of his voice how he was doing. I still want to get back there and help and make him dinner and check the stitches to make sure they are not infected. But here I am, doing helping of a different kind.

And through this entire week, with the exception of a few anxious moments in the middle of the night, I had peace. Peace like a river. I had no idea how things would turn out, so I had to rest. And pray for wisdom. And then, strangers who let me know that my son was in their prayers asked me how they could help. It is so heart-warming to have family and friends who know my son reach out. But it was the kindness of strangers that made me so grateful for the goodness still very apparent in this world.

This morning, when I spoke to my son, he said he is hoping to go back to work next week. I am hopeful that the healing continues-body, mind, and spirit. 
I am still at the ready to do whatever it is that needs doing, but in this week, I learned that there are some circumstances where God can handle the big stuff on His own.
My job is to take care of the tasks at hand and seek wisdom, and enjoy the peace that comes when you least expect it!

West Coast Again!

Well, my East Coast /West Coast life continues!

             
Thinking I was going to spend the winter months in North Carolina, I had already      accepted that I would not get to see the Pacific Ocean for a while.
                     But here I am. Wading in the surf wearing a sundress in December.

On the way, we stopped at Lake Havasu City, AZ in the desert to see the reconstructed bridge that used to be in London, relocated piece by piece and now standing in the middle of a desert.

I was thinking about the history of that bridge, the song I used to sing as a child while jumping rope, ("London bridge is falling down, my fair lady.."), and how strange that an American oil tycoon would buy a bridge that once spanned the  River Thames in England. So he could put it in a desert!

       Moonlight Beach
-sunshine, warm, salty air, gull and pelican sounds breaking silence, children squealing when feet touch the chilly water, food cooking scenting the air, waves crashing
-sleep on a sandy blanket.

Sadness on sadness

This is a very sad weekend for many families in Connecticut.
And for anyone who works with, loves, and has children.
How do you even begin the fathoming required to imagine such a tragic loss of life?
As a teacher of young children, I have been overwhelmed all weekend.
An ordinary day begun like so many others.
And then in an instant, everything changed.
Forever.
Caretakers and teachers are responsible for children.
Irreplaceable. Innocent. Children.
I have no answers for why this happened.
I have a greater understanding only that every moment
I have working, teaching, playing, and learning from children
is priceless.

December

“How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?”
-Dr. Seuss

December is here and some days have a certain shade of blue to them. In the sky as well as within me. Time is a gazelle, swift and graceful. I reflect and wait. I will be heading back to the west coast for a few months, and the California sky will have its own shade of blue, not so wintry and friendlier.

This trip back will be different than years past. I am answering a call for help, so I will do my best to not to be easily distracted from the task at hand. It is an honor to be in a position of giving comfort-and humbles me.

Feeling a bit ill-equipped, but determined to give the best possible help, I know that I can't try to go in my own strength.  Psalm 18:32- "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." This, I can depend on as I head west. And so, in spite of my best efforts to settle down and find a more permanent home, I once again set out on my west coast-east coast journey. 

Wonder-ing

"It just ain't possible to explain some things. It's interesting to wonder on them and do some speculation, but the main thing is you just have to accept it-take it for what it is, and get on with your growing."
-Jim Dodge  

I wonder about a bunch of things , like man's inhumanity to man, like why are there so many questions without satisfying answers and why hard working people have to choose between food and heat and why people who don't lift a finger to support themselves have all they could desire as well as all they need. I wonder also about how fiber optics work and how it is possible to comprehend and communicate in several languages.

Today, my wondering came from an experience I had with my job hunting. I had a first interview earlier in the week, and was called back this morning for a "working interview".
Something that is common for teachers of young children. You go in and read a book or do an art project or whatever fits in with the little amount of information you get from the director about their expectations. It is mostly to determine a teacher's ability to interact with children. So, I went to the library. spent several hours choosing the perfect book, carefully chose what to wear, and went through rehearsals, got up early and showed up at the appointed time.

Fifteen minutes after I was supposed to be there, the director came in and had forgotten all about our appointment. She asked if we could reschedule for next week. OK, I said.

So what is this all about? It made me begin to wonder if I  should go back. Do I want to work somewhere that an employee's (or even a potential employee's) time is not respected? 

Anyway, I will "get on with my growing" and wonder about all that next week. 

It's beginning to look a lot...

I am a guest in my sister's home this winter. So, I had to be selective about what I brought with me. I have so much Christmas accumulation from many years of creating and gifting, so when I thought about what I really wanted for the holidays, I chose handmade gifts  from my children. Molly made this precious Nativity crayon drawing when she was six years old. She carefully poked holes in the sky with a tiny pin so that when it is put in a window, it looks like stars in the sky. It is one of my most prized possessions. One I would rescue from a burning house. So it is now in my guest room window for me to look at all  through this holiday season.

And then there is this Christmas poem written by Samuel  in second grade.
 It says:
 A Cinquain
Jesus  
Angels, God
Loving, Hugging, Praying
Like a Spirit Lover.

This too, irreplaceable, written in a child's scrawl with all the wisdom of a sage.










And then there is this simple message, also made by Sam, with his grandfather's help from hand sanded blocks of wood. Love its simplicity!











And finally, a wee Christmas Tree and Elf made of leather to complete my Christmas decor!

Having to pare down to the most basic, most important, most treasured has been lovely! I missed out on Black Friday and will bow out on Cyber Monday today. I will enjoy sewing a few simple gifts and focus instead on the real meaning of Christmas- one I think my children knew best and remind me perfectly in these small treasures!